20-something to 20-Someone: Meet Lauren

In keeping with my new series, 20-something to 20-someone, I'd like to introduce you to my friend Lauren. She was my housemate, friend, confidant and therapist during college. She knows some of the deepest secrets of my soul and I know in my heart of hearts that she'll take them to the grave with her :-) Get to know a little bit of Lauren and see how she is well on her way from 20-something to 20-someone!

1. If you could only use 5 words to describe yourself, what would they be and why?
I would describe myself as honest, loyal, sarcastic, hard-working, and resilient.
Honest- because I usually tell the truth to my friends and family, even when it's not easy to hear. When I look back on friendships and relationships, they have often been strengthened or destroyed by this quality. Most people think they want me to tell them the truth ("does this make me look fat?" "Should I stay with my boyfriend?" "Am I making the right decision?"), but become defensive when I've been honest in my approach. Maybe I'm not always refined in my delivery, but I DO tell the honest truth out of love, and in an attempt to help the person.
Loyal- because I'll stick with something or someone until it sucks me dry. This is both a positive and negative quality,because while I'll defend my friends and family in many situations and circumstances, I have often found that (in friendships) this is not a reciprocal trait. I've stayed in relationships that were miserable, just because I was too stubborn to let go of something that was once positive. I have learned that friendship is a "quality over quantity" relationship, and I am lucky to have a few very good friends who I know I can count on in tough times.
Sarcastic- anyone who knows me knows that I'm snarky. This gets me in trouble SO much, but luckily I've found that a lot of people (including you) appreciate my sense of humor. Is it so bad that I occasionally find humor in the ridiculous things other people do and say? I can hardly be blamed for that...
Hard-working- I've always been an overachiever, and this is a quality that has often served me well. I have a tendency to overcommit myself, but I am definitely someone who works better under pressure.
Resilient- College and post-graduation have been interesting for me. As I set off for my freshman year, I was abundantly confident in my abilities and goals. Being away from family (especially my mom) and the dissolution of high school friendships proved very difficult, and over time I think my confidence gradually diminished. Joining a sorority helped to rebuild that confidence, and through KD I made new friends and was provided with some amazing leadership opportunities and connections. Even while serving as president of KD, I encountered some people who didn't agree with my views or the way I handled my responsibility. At the time this was very difficult, because I think it's natural to want to be liked and to have everyone agree with you. But this experience really allowed me to see that as an adult, not everyone is going to like me or my opinions. It really taught me that I have to be comfortable in my own skin, and be proud of my work and decisions. If the people I love are proud of me, and I'm doing right by God, then that's all that matters to me.

2. What do you see as your greatest accomplishment and why?
Graduating from college is an accomplishment I'm especially proud of. Upon graduating high school, I think I was so shell-shocked and excited about the impending journey of college to really appreciate the degree. But college graduation is different, because it's a more mature, exhausting, and expensive experience. College was a great juggling act between academics, extra-curriculars, and personal relationships that I am proud to have made it out alive, sane, and with a decent GPA.

3. How do you think your education has prepared you for what you’re doing now?
I have a Bachelor's in psychology from WKU, and my education has prepared me for so many things. The experience of getting a degree takes so much hard work- meeting deadlines, prioritizing, building relationships with students/professors- that sometimes I think it doesn't matter what you get your degree in, just that you GET one. That being said, my background in psychology has really helped me understand people, their motivations, feelings, and thoughts. It has helped me personally to understand and digest things that have happened in my own past, and to relate to others socially and occupationally. I DO think the graduates of the past few years have had a unique experience in this economy. In high school, all you seem to hear is adults telling you how important it is to go to college, because that's the only way to get a job nowadays. As I graduated from college, I realized that in my hands, I held something very important in that diploma, but I was not as naive as I had been in the past; it is TOUGH to be a young adult these days.

4. Tell us about a time you’ve had a conflict with someone and what you did to work it out.
Me? Conflict with others? Never... :)
I am admittedly a complicated and complex person. I often tell people that I wish I could be more like my brother, who is arguably the easiest person on Earth to be around. I wish that I could be light and carefree with not a worry in the world, but it just isn't so. That being said, I have found myself in a few difficult situations with friends or acquaintances.
One that sticks out in my mind is an experience I had in college with a group of young women. By our membership in the same sorority, it was natural to consider them friends. I had a stronger and more honest relationship with one of the girls, and this led me to believe I was, by association, friends with the others. I was shocked one evening to find that not only did these other girls not like me, but they had actually been discussing their feelings of dislike for weeks with our mutual friend and had even attempted not to go on a trip in order to avoid going with me. Apparently I'm that unbearable... Naturally I was upset, and being the honest person I am, I went to the two girls in an attempt to have a mature conversation. I wanted to know what I'd done wrong? How I had offended them? I wanted to be able to apologize for my actions, if they had offended. I found that the girls were hesitant, resistant even, to tell me what I'd done. Looking back, I know that it is because I hadn't done anything to these girls but try to infiltrate their inner circle by befriending their friend. It was easier for them to air their grievances in private, behind my back, than it was for them to actually confront me with their feelings. At the time, this devastated me. How could someone dislike me, not for something rude I'd done, but just because of who I am? It really, really hurt.
But then I found that the real conflict was not with these girls. It was with myself. I needed to take a step back and consider why I wanted to be friends with them. Was it because I really liked them (no) or because I wanted to be a part of a circle of friends (yes)? I began thinking about qualities I wanted in a friend, these women did not have those qualities. I made a decision from that point forward: I will not waste time trying to forge a relationship or friendship with someone who does not value, appreciate or help me to grow. This has allowed me to build stronger friendships with people who deserve my friendship, and has saved me from so much further heartache.

5. What do you see as your greatest weakness? See response to question #1 re: Loyal :)

6. What is the one thing in the world that you care the most about? Why?
I think the people reading this who know me will be surprised by my answer, because it would have been much different a year ago. The thing I care most about in the world is my ever-growing relationship with God. I have not always had a strong faith. In fact, I went through a period of time when I wasn't even sure if God existed. I thought maybe there was something out there controlling all of this, but I wasn't sure what it was.
I grew up attending a Catholic church. I had a positive experience there. My family went to church every week, I went to Sunday school, went through the Eucharist and Confirmation processes. But I never felt a strong connection to my faith. In college, I experimented with different churches, and didn't really like any of them. Two churches I went to in Bowling Green bashed Catholics, and made me feel extremely unwelcome. When I moved back to Louisville, I went to a new church with my mom, who had begun attending by herself. I was resistant at first because the church was much more contemporary than I was used to- they had a live band, people raising their hands in worship... this was just shocking for me. But not in a bad way. I really enjoyed our pastor's sermons- I found myself looking forward to hearing his message each Sunday. I experienced nothing but love and kindness from the people who attended NECC, and after the initial shock wore off, I found myself enjoying worship time. I have been through quite a bit in my personal life over the last year (won't bore anyone with the details) but I found that instead of questioning God as I once would have, I began leaning on Him. Many negative things have happened over the last year that have tried my patience, personal relationships, and sanity. But throughout this time, God has blessed me with my health, a great job, and a growing faith in His ability to help me overcome.

7. If you got to live your life over again, what is one thing you would change and why?
This one is easy... I would waste less time worrying. Worrying about grades, whether people like me, if I made the right decision. I recently saw a quote that said, "Worrying is like praying for something you don't want." How true! I spent so much time worrying about the possibility of something happening that I would almost will it to happen. When I find myself worrying, I have tried to start praying instead, asking God to help me to stop, and for his guidance in how to proceed.

8. When have you failed? Tell us what happened and what you learned from it.
In high school, I was a member of our school's forensics team. If you don't know what competitive forensics is, it is a type of speech competition, involving public speaking, acting, reading and interpretation of written pieces. I competed in the areas of prose and poetry interpretation. Each week from October through April, I rehearsed and performed two 10-minute pieces, a prose piece and poetry piece (written by an author, interpreted by me). I became involved in this extra-curricular activity as an extension of my interest in theatre and performing. Because I attended a smaller high school, we had a small (yet very talented) drama department. I loved every minute of performing, and was used to auditioning, performing and speaking in front of large groups of people and being very successful at it. I had had numerous lead roles in productions, planned on majoring in theatre when I got to college, etc, etc. So imagine my surprise when, as a junior, I competed at the qualifying tournament for the state competition and... did not qualify. By a margin of a few points. I was devastated, embarrassed, horrified, depressed. I had worked so hard!
After watching many of my friends board the bus for their weekend at the state tournament at WKU, I was even more disappointed. My competition season was over. More notably, my pride was hurt. I'd never lost a part before, never failed in this arena.
So the next year, I came back with a vengeance. Prior to our season's start, my coach named me captain of the team. I rehearsed for hours, days, leading up to the first tournament. I scored enough points to qualify for finals during every tournament that season, and at the state qualifiers, I qualified. At the state tournament that year, I qualified for semi-finals in poetry interpretation, and I was in the top 18 competitors in Kentucky that year.
When I failed, I felt so awful about myself. I had very little confidence in my abilities. When you fail, it is difficult, but when you fail and you're in front of A LOT of people, it's pretty embarrassing. But it only made me work harder the next time around. And the reward was pretty sweet :)

9. Where do you hope to be in 10 years?
HAPPY. I haven't really clearly defined what that means yet. But it looks something like: a job that is fulfilling, being with someone who makes me happy, maybe a child at that point. I do know that it involves contentment, which can only come through faith and maintaining good relationships.

10. What is your favorite thing to do in your free time?
I LOVE to read. I'm not very picky- I usually stick to fiction, but I'm always open to suggestions from others. However, I do have one particular genre/era that fascinates me: Edwardian fiction. More specifically, JANE AUSTEN. Even more specifically, PRIDE & PREJUDICE. There is apparently a hidden romantic in me somewhere (deep, deep down) that is itching to get out and find her Mr. Darcy. This interest has unfortunately grown into a rather embarrassing obsession... I've seen the BBC miniseries. The 2005 Keira Knightley version. Bridget Jones' Diary (yes, it is loosely based on Austen's novel). I've read pretty much any fiction work based on P&P or that uses its characters. I have, rather sadly, considered going to Louisville's annual Jane Austen festival (I haven't yet- maybe there is hope for me). I am just oddly intrigued by the boringness of that time- what society ladies do during the day, what gentlemen make ($4000 a year was apparently BILLIONS then). But I'm even more fascinated by the extraordinary love affairs between the characters that break up the monotony. I want a man to love me so much he would write me a loooonnnnggggg letter. Is that so much to ask for? Maybe that's why I'm not married, nor have I had a successful relationship.