Hate.

I'll admit that I've said it before.
I've said it about food, and movies and papers or classes, and as ugly as this makes me sound- I'll admit that I have said it about people.

It's really a terrible word. It's sharp the way it comes off your tongue and it's so definite in its purpose. But the most terrible part about it is the mood, the vibe, the Ora it creates. Hate is such an evil thing. It takes you over. It blinds you and it blinds others too. It's the least justifiable emotion I can think of. It's crippling.

I can't go into a whole lot of details but I'm feeling pretty hated right about now.
I'm young and foolish and I'm new to my school and there is so much I don't understand and don't know. But I love my class. I'm trying really hard to do right by my students and still, I am feeling so hated. The way things work at my school are really different than anything I've ever seen or done before- but I am trying. I really do want the best for my class. I want to do the right things and yet every day feels as if I've failed miserably. I am feeling very broken, very discouraged and frankly, hated, right about now.

It's really unlike anything I've ever experienced in my personal or professional life before. And to be perfectly honest, I'm no longer sure about how I should proceed. I can't help but wonder if all the hate I've ever felt in my whole life might be coming back to me. It sounds sort of pathetic. I sound so weak. I didn't know I had so much "defeat" in me.

So here is my prayer. Today I ask the Lord to give me hope for the coming semester. And joy in my heart as I teach my class each day. I ask Him for peace between all parties and I ask that He help me find myself again. I ask that He gives me the wisdom I need to understand the other women at my school and that He give them some wisdom to better understand me. And most of all I want to thank God for this job that He provided. This job I so deeply desired.

Today, I start over. With an attitude of gratitude, for my life, my family, my job and for second chances. It's a new day.

Love & Peace.